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by Sarah on September 22nd, 2011

In the last month I’ve had three different people vent their anger on me. It’s quite interesting, because as I’ve told you I’m looking at the element of “fire” in my life. I lack it, and so I don’t get angry very often. It means that when I’m confronted, I generally want to fall apart. What’s also interesting is how I’ve obviously “attracted” the three people’s anger. In some way, I needed the lessons, which I always find quite beautiful (although certainly not at the time!).

I’ve mentioned the first, it had to do with me being a vegetarian. The last was a silly family thing, and has helped me to make some personal decisions about relationships in my life, but the second is the one that has stood out the most.

My sister was visiting in late August with her two children, both who are older than Lily, one only by four months. We were off on adventure for the day, the three kids in the back, when I suddenly heard the sound of wind. I turned around (I was driving) and to my horror, I saw that the 18-month-old had opened the car door. My sister quickly closed it, and reprimanded Olivia, but because I was shaken up, I pulled off on the side of the road. I’ll state here that Olivia was strapped safely into her car seat, and was in no immediate danger of falling out the car.

The next thing, my door was pulled open and there stood a middle-aged woman who proceeded to shout at me like I’ve never been shouted at before. I was told I was an irresponsible mother and that I didn’t deserve children. Did I want my child to die? To be honest, I was in such a state of shock at this point, that I didn’t take much more in, and I didn’t say a word in reply. I just sat. (And shook.) I imagine that giving the woman no response only angered her more, because she stormed off calling me an “f#ing stupid b*tch.

Why I’m telling you about this story, is because along with the two other confrontations, what has been highlighted for me is the issue of judgement. How one person looks at a situation from their perspective, decides what is right or wrong and then, very often, feels obliged to express their opinion, no matter how harsh.

The thing is, particularly with the story of Olivia opening the door, I had learned my lesson BEFORE the woman shouted at me. The second I saw the door was open, I realised that I should’ve thought of putting my childlocks on. I should’ve asked my sister if there is anything I need to think about or be concerned about because her kids are just that much older than Lily, and are capable of different things.

Yet, that stranger was so quick to judge me as a bad mother, when she knows nothing about me. And here’s the hardest lesson… I was so quick to judge her for shouting at me, when I know nothing about her.

The point of this post is to encourage you all to be aware of your thoughts, particularly those of others, and particularly when you’re placing a judgement on them. It is SO easy to do, especially as mothers. “That mother is way too uptight with her children”. “That mother is way too relaxed with hers.”  ”That mother overprotects her children”. “That mother doesn’t deserve hers.” They’re all judgements, they’re all based on our own perceptions, and they’re all a waste of precious energy.

From → Personal Stuff