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THURSDAY’S THOUGHTS: The Emotions of Pregnancy

by Sarah on June 16th, 2011

Another very special person in my life has recently found out that she’s pregnant. She’s just over five weeks along, and because I’m thinking of her a lot, I’ve been thinking about of pregnancy a lot. What I want to chat about today is all the emotions that I remember experiencing while I was pregnant with Lily. Lots of them were quite unexpected.

At first there was the absolute joy and excitement. (I guess that’s pretty normal when a baby is planned). I also remember feeling quite numb with disbelief. It took me a while to absorb the fact that there was really a little life forming inside of me, that my body was actually able to nourish and grow something so precious. I think it only really sunk in when I heard her heartbeat for the first time.

After a week or so, once the initial excitement wore off, I started to experience some fear. I remember having sharp pains on the sides of my abdomen (“Could this mean something is wrong?”, I worried) and then I had a little bit of brown discharge, old blood which set me into full-blown panic. No one seemed to be able to ease my fears (my gynaecologist would only see me at 8 weeks and I hadn’t met Mandi yet). Internet searches just deepened the emotion. It was only when a friend found the explanation in a book of hers that my mind was set at ease. The old blood was being released as a result of all the changes happening in my uterus. Pure relief.

At about 8 weeks, mild nausea set in. I remember feeling disappointed and frustrated by it. I was so hoping that I wouldn’t experience nausea, and combined with the tiredness, it really slowed me down – hence the frustration. And then I also had moments of incredible sadness. One minute I’d be laughing, the next my heart felt as if it was about to fall out my chest and I couldn’t hold back the tears. These last three led to quite a bit of guilt : “I should be happy, I’m pregnant! Why am I feeling all these negative emotions?”.

By the end of the first trimester, the roller coaster seemed to settle. I didn’t quite ever feel the energy and exuberance that other people assured me would kick in from thirteen weeks. Overall,though, the second trimester was a really good time. I know that feeling my baby move brought me the most joy. As did seeing her in the scans at 13 and 21 weeks.

Although I was mostly filled with a sense of calmness and confidence during the last three months, I definitely also experienced apprehension. I was so excited to meet my baby. And I was also excited to experience birth. Crazy? Perhaps. But I did feel doubtful about the birth at times too. “Would I really be able to push a baby out?”, “What if something is wrong with the baby?”, “What if I have to be rushed to surgery?”, those usual sorts of worries. Having a dedicated and compassionate midwife, like Mandi, was invaluable during these times.

I guess the point I am trying to make through all of this, is that throughout pregnancy (especially your first, I imagine) you will without doubt feel a huge assortment of emotions. Your hormone levels are going crazy, you are about to give life to another being, and your own life is about to change in the biggest possible way. It’s understandable. I think the key to surviving all the emotions is to not judge them. Feel them, the ups and downs, but don’t attach a “right” or “wrong” to them. They are what they are –  an important part of the powerful journey you are experiencing.

From → Pregnancy

  • Robyn

    Thanks for this naturalmamma :) I am relieved in a way to hear that the second trimester energy was not as staggaring as you’d heard, as i am busy experiencing the same thing. It is always comforting to hear of another’s experiences, and at 18 weeks, I loved reading this post. I can really agree with you thus far, that everything about the pregnancy should be embraced rather than judge. The morning sickness; emotions; lack of energy are all part of this amazing rite of passge and are happening because of the beautyfull baba’s being formed inside us – a real miracle. Every single thing I experience through my pregnancy that I do not usually experience, is just that – all part of this amazing and very blessed experience! xx