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THURSDAY’S THOUGHTS: The Role of the Mama

by Sarah on May 19th, 2011

I had a long chat this morning with a few mom’s from Lily’s baby group and it seems pretty unanimous that mothers don’t always have an easy time. And it was also agreed unanimously that fathers don’t always seem to fully understand how much actually goes into being a mother, how much work and behind the-scenes planning moms really do, and also how much support they need.

The woman who started the conversation has two kids (one of 5, one of 3) and was saying how difficult the last couple of weeks have been because her and her two children have had bronchitis. While she was almost falling apart at the seems, her husband still managed to  partake in, a full day of sailing, and didn’t quite get why leaving her to look after the children in her state was a problem. Or, for that matter, why she was so upset that he did.  All of us had similar stories, on bigger or smaller scales.

Normally when I write my Thursday posts, they’re about a topic which I’ve struggled with, questioned a lot, and somehow found some sort of answer to. This week though, I have no answer, or no full understanding of why this happens between moms and dads, men and woman. Why so many women just don’t feel that they’re getting the full support from their husband that they need.

I guess a big question to ask is whether you as a mom are actually asking for the help? Or are you being a martyr, carrying on as if all is ok, when inside you’re feeling angry and as if you’re about to collapse? And then also, if it’s because your husband has to work long hours to put food on the table, have you considered hiring outside help? Or if you can’t afford that, have you asked for help from family and friends?

This is such a tough topic, one that I’d really love to hear your thoughts on. Let me know how things work for you at home between you and your husband, is he actively involved in caring for your kids, or do you feel let down? More than anything, do you have advice for the women who aren’t coping and who need some more support?

  • Candice Webster

     Hi my friend and all you other natural mama’s :) I feel very fortunate to share that I feel very appreciated and respected by my husband Matthew (it did help having him home for 10 days over the easter holidays, as he really got a chance to see what goes into being a mom. He found himself being absolutely exhausted at the end of each day by having only just shared in part of the responsibilities.) Since then he is always offering to help in anyway, whether it be in helping prepare dinner or rubbing my shoulders while im rocking Lila my 9week old daughter to sleep, changing a nappy here and there etc…or just the simple ‘thank you for being the mom you are and for doing the job you’re doing’ really does go along way for me when i see how much he means it. Matt and i have a really open and honest relationship, we share absolutely everything with one another, but it has taken dedication, trust, nurturing and understanding to get to where we are. We believe we are not separate from one another and that we have each been before a mother  and a father in previous lifetimes and therefore dont follow the old cultural way of living where woman stays home to raise babies, cook,clean and slave away over the man. I think thats the whole problem rite there, is that we think we are separate from one one another, I feel that when we start to remember who we truly are as Divine magnificent beings and as we begin to see the Divine in every person, and that we are all one, then we begin to treat each other very differently, we then begin to live a much higher conscious way of life instead of following the old cultural story. 
    I feel in every moment we get to choose LOVE or fear. If a woman feels unappreciated or vice a versa with a man, it takes choosing love to communicate openly and honestly with one another. I feel we allow fear to control us and then we find ways to numb our fears and pains and then we blame each other - I must just share this wonderful quote I read from Neal Donald Walsh, if we each had to ask the person and our very selves this one question, then the world would be a very different place to live ‘ What hurts you so much that you have to hurt me to heal yourself?’ So powerful!!

    I think if we can arrive at a place where we are totally honest with ourselves and each other, where we can ask for help and receive it graciously without feeling guilty or feeling like a failure for needing it, where we pat ourselves on the back everyday for the incredible moms we’re being and if we can feel emotionally grateful and honored to have the spiritual responsibility of looking after these precious souls. We must then live with love, compassion, patience, joy and laughter and be happy with who we are. As parents, mom and dad, we need to live our truth in order to offer the best for our children.

    May all you mama’s and papa’s be blessed with love, light, strength and all thats good in the world.

    Love Candice xx

  • Anonymous

    Thank you, Candice, for such beautiful words of wisdom!

    I 100% agree with you, that choosing love, and so communicating honestly and
    openly, is the best way to deal with any difficult situation.

    And I absolutely loved the quote you shared with us, in fact, it’s going up
    on my wall, as a constant reminder to myself as to how I deal with my own
    hurts.

    Love and light back to you, and thank you again for sharing :)