THURSDAY’S THOUGHTS: Discipline and Fire
I was in Cape Town the whole of last week, and what a week it was. Life changing, really. It all started with a Heart Space workshop with an incredible woman, Dora, followed by lots of busy-ness, and a one-on-one session with Dora. What came out of it all, is that I’m not very good with discipline and I’m functioning on a very low level of life force. Not very easy to hear!
At first, a part of me wanted to fight what she was saying, but I soon realised it was purely a case of “the truth hurts”. For years now I’ve battled with time management, with keeping afloat of all my dreams and plans, with general order and with a lack of “drive”. Yes, I’m following the motions: trying to be a good mom, writing two blogs, sewing bags with unemployed ladies. Basically, doing just enough that from the outside it would seem that I had things “together”. Deep down I knew that I was not putting not very much fire into anything at all.
And the discipline? In a strange way, I almost prided myself in being messy, in being disorganised. I think I was rebelling against being one of those “anal girls”. The way I used to be at school, actually. I liked the idea of being relaxed. Not that relaxed is a bad thing, I think in the right areas of your life it’s a great thing. But like Dora explained, discipline actually equals freedom. It quietens your mind, and if you get all your “jobs” done in the day, you’re free to do whatever fun things you choose to do at night.
Somehow, I’ve finally “got it”. Fire and discipline are what people need to be effective, to succeed, to feel good about themselves. That’s what creates freedom and passion. And that’s the kind of woman and mother I want to be. For too long I’ve been racing around, here to there, feeling overwhelmed by all there is to do, not sure where my time goes, not feeling like getting out of bed in the morning. And in terms of being a mom, although I’ve spent a lot of time with Lily, not enough of it has been quality time.
Since I’ve got back from Cape Town though, it’s all changed. Now I’m all about fire and discipline. When I feel tired, I just picture myself lighting up a flame inside me which gets me going again. I’m putting fire into everything I do. I’m feeling energised and excited for the first time since I don’t know when. And I’m getting organised. I’m doing the work before I rest. I’m tidying the kitchen before I collapse on the couch. I’m washing my face before I collapse into bed. I’m working on projects that I’ve been dreaming of for years but have been continusouly putting off.
The point is, that if any of you moms feel the same as me, I want you to know that it’s totally possible to make the change. All you need to do is decide. It’s your choice. Do you want to live half a life? Or one which is full of discipline and fire, so freedom and passion? I choose the latter for sure!