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THURSDAY’S THOUGHTS: Emotions before Birth

by Sarah on April 14th, 2010

I’m in my 35th week, and was feeling a bit weepy earlier today. I think the main reason is that my dear friend, and hypnobirthing practioner, Becky, told me a couple of days ago that she won’t be here for Bug’s birth. I’d been trying to prepare myself for this, not wanting to get my heart set on things being too certain and then being thrown off on the day. But today, I feel like being sad about it, and so I let myself be. I think it’s important to get these sort of emotions out, so that you can move on.

The timing of these emotions was pretty good actually. I had a massage booked with my midwife, Mandi for today. Yes, a midwife who does preggy massage!. When she arrived, I started to cry, and we had a good talk about everything. About expectations, about the day. I think perhaps I was depending on Becky too much, to be my emotional support if Graeme needed a break. What I now see, is that that is the role of both Mandi and my supporting doctor too. In other words, we’ll all be in it together.

I also chatted to Mandi about how I can feel slight emotions of fear creeping in, feelings that I’ve been avoiding for most of the pregnancy. Mostly about the pain, about whether I’ll have the strength to get through it all on the day. I know through my hypnobirthing that I’m supposed to nip these thoughts in the bud, replace them with something positive, but sometimes that can be difficult. It was good to actually voice them.

What Mandi said which made so much sense, is that if I do experience pain, it will be my body sending the pain, and my body would never send anything that it can’t handle itself. The pain isn’t being inflected from an external source, say a knife stabbing me. It’s hormones  being released, making muscles contract in a certain way and once it has achieved this, and I’m ready to move to the next level, it’ll release some more, and the muscles will contract some more. This makes sense to me. My gut agrees with the idea. Because I won’t be at hopsital, and won’t have any fake hormones injected into me, to hurry the process along, it’ll just be my body giving me what it knows I can manage.

The actual massage was INCREDIBLY relaxing and soothing, me breathing any tension out. It actually started to make me look forward to the day again, where I can alternate between the birthing pool and having a massage as often as I choose. Mandi told me afterwards that she had a very strong sense of the baby being a girl, and that she had a message for me from my bubba. She said she’s a very determined little lady (my baby), and that I must just trust in her on the day, because both her body and mine will be working together. The sex of the child doesn’t really matter, but isn’t the message beautiful? Another reassurance that I’m not going to be alone…